My entire life has been guiding me to this vision. It is a story I find painful to tell. Not because it was especially horrendous but because for so many of my lived years I was barely alive. I look back at the landscape of me, mountains of grief, terrifying gorges of pain and vast open plains of hunger and thirst and nothingness. And the more I look the more I see I was in a mirage… So much of what I needed, so much of what looked real, was in the end nothing more than a trick of the mind.
That trick first came through a person who’s ability to warp reality and twist the truth was so expert that years of abuse looked more like a work of fine art. One that I was shored-up in and ship-wrecked by until the sea spewed my little boat to the shore in one final crashing wave. Solid ground released me from the murky depths that tried for so long to pull my spirit under. Saved only by the vast subterranean ocean at my core.
I could always sense who I was. She was always there with me ~ a constant whisper. Seeping out into my insides but never ever fully into my world. We, me and her, would talk often in that void of separation, about why my life couldn’t look like the one she so desired. It just couldn’t be. How was it ever going to be possible to feel that free?
Despite my deep fear that I would always live in my own shadow I was followed around by a persistent feeling that kept trying to prod me to reawaken. And somehow, amidst the self-doubt and toxic ash of childhood, that voice found its way back into my heart.
Every heart, I have since realised, has two doors. For most of my own life the front door to my heart had been jarred open like a wound that would not heal. My heart was the site of much pain – I loved many loves to death. There was always something festering in that raw flesh of human emotion. The mess and memories made through others would enter in without permission or warning and course through my veins forcing my heart into a too-quick beat that left me anxious and afraid.
It made me ache with a longing that felt impossible to bare… like a spirit trapped in the wrong dimension and so only capable of creating pain and mental noise, vying for my attention, praying to be set free. Asking, always asking if now was the time.
Because of this unanswered call she made some cataclysmic arrivals. Bursting through me like a tidal wave, with a force that could not be reckoned with. Seismic shifts of She-Spirit forced through whole land masses of swallowed emotion. I was, like we all are, sacred ground mindlessly built upon.
As an adult I realise how much of my time has been spent mindlessly building upon my own sacred space too, by me.
Distracted. Preoccupied. Hiding. Planning. Searching. Striving and erroneously believing that there is more to be done. That there was anything I could do…
I am now in a perpetual undoing. A remembering. A shedding.
My heart’s desire is to heal. That is all I know. Everything else will involve my deepest commitment to co-create with the self that I am when I separate from the moment I am in.
And I am so dog-tired of feeling that separation. I am exhausted by the allure of better and more. It feels like it’s everywhere, trying to seduce me back into illusion. My desires since coming back into alignment have downsized dramatically – it used to be a recording contract, then it became a lust for the perfect family home, a car that purred, a wardrobe that oozed style. After motherhood arrived it became a desire for spaciousness and less, not in things but in me. Space between thoughts, less thoughts… that’s when meditation really became a spiritual practice of creating sacred space. In realising what it was to be truly full – growing life inside of me – there was no sense of emptiness but there was a deep need to hold myself more fully. There was an awareness that I needed to move deeper not further. I didn’t need to go out and do and needed to go deep and be.
Once I had a dream. But in the end It was a dream fashioned out of separation. The essence of those fulfilled cravings would still be lovely, yes, but now I see that they will only serve my highest purpose if they are born of sweetness, softness and surrender. I know without question now that my path is one where experiencing those material “riches” will only ever be satisfying or part of my “plan” if they happen via the riches of inner simplicity and sanctuary.
My highest and constant calling is to be free from the seductive tendency to dream that particular dream. The one of the big house and the fancy car and the lavish holidays and healthy bank balance and the recording deal and the book deal and … and … and. But these are not a dream, they are an escape. They are a place that I can go to to help me forget my pain or deny the moment I am in. It is separation at it’s most deceiving and addictive.
CreateHER, in contrast, will be a flourishing expression of feminine free flow. It will hold evergreen sacred space for women, to remind us of the place where we truly crave to be held…and upheld.
CreateHER existed long before I decided to bring her forward, much like all of your desires too – they originate in the image of something that is already perfect, already whole, already complete. I see that clearly now. And I see her in you too. I see the sacred space that exists for you and in you – I see because from where I am sitting that is all that there is…
CreateHER will exist only in the moments that I am moved to create. I have no work that must be done, no lists that must be ticked, no preparations that must be made, no strategies that must be put in place, no plans. Can you imagine? I am launching something with nothing more than sacred space to power it.
CreateHER occupies that most divine of sacred spaces… pure potential.
And it is from this healing place that you are invited to be a co~createHER with me.
I asked myself what would happen if I build my vision without all the standard protocols of hard work and sacrifice. What if instead it was crafted entirely of peace, clarity and total joy? What if everything could come to be with a lot more being and a lot less doing?
What if every ounce of resistance, heaviness, scatteredness, depletion, anxiety, anger and doubt was the exact moment where we instead stopped and switched to sacred space?
What if our only real work was in creating the conditions for the vision to be real. What if every act that would birth it into being was nothing more or less than the external manifestation of source – what if I never pushed or forced or worked my butt off for any of it? What if it looked like real life? What if it felt like home? Or like warm oil drizzled onto your skin by hands that drive deep surges of slow surrender all over your soul and to the SenseYouAll exhale that sinks you like a stone to the bottom of your being and ripples through you in wave after wave of slow dancing with the divine… to a place where you are at once at one with your CreateHER…
When my first daughter was born I realised that I could have never planned for this. I could never have created the miracle of her. No birth is naturally subject to planning either. It happens spontaneously and absolutely. And then when we have this tiny person delivered to us, like it or not, they are a force of creation, too mighty for us to ever fathom out a life for.
This thing that we are, it does not respond or correspond to planning or doing as much as it does to flowing and being. Yet both create life and love and purpose and passion and potential. The real choice is in how we are going to reach that higher place…
For me the answer is CreateHER and the way is Co~CreateHERship.
We cannot build this new vision or experience this alternative reality without each other. I need you to co~author this new way of being with me…
I cannot do this alone. There is no separation in this experience. I need you for CreateHER to exist on every level. Without you it is just a dream but by sharing your commitment, consistency and connection to sacred space we walk on holy ground, we share in a spiritual revolution. We come home.
We instead trust and let go whenever we enter into the crush of thinking there is more to do.
We observe what we need in the midst of what we want.
We ask for help.
And we acknowledge we are One Circle. One breath.
We will hold sacred space as one.
From where you are there is no where else to be.
I have no way of knowing how this vision will unfold, I only know I must venture in to what calls me out into the world…
I trust in simply asking the question – the question that’s always in your heart. I trust in curiously following each feeling that points to the answer. I invite guideposts into my life through dreams and experiences and people. I observe with the eyes of source the illusion of separation and I do this only by cultivating sacred space.
I am inviting you dear women to hold your sacredness up to the light, to sit with it, to stay with it, to stand with it, to sing with it, to shed tears with it. But most of all I ask you to share it. Let us see you. Let us know you. Let us BE with you. Exactly where you are.
Your invitation is eternal… join me, and invite your own circle of women in, share, and let the co~createHERs of the world BE one sublime circle of sacred space.